Liebesleid
by Epo-9KX
Summary: After he is kidnapped, Chromedome is hurt but can't remember it, Rewind faces his worst nightmare and First Aid has a secret he can't afford to tell.
1. Prologue

1:08am.

A figure watched as the syringe of green fluid emptied into the back of Chromedome's neck. Said mech remained deep in recharge, little Rewind cradled in his arms. If all went well, he wouldn't wake up for a while.

Chromedome's lover wasn't as calm. Rewind fidgeted in his recharge, shuffling in the larger mech's embrace.

"Stay still, Rewind."

Another injection made sure of that. There would be no interference from Rewind. Rewind wouldn't stop him from taking Chromedome. Two strong arms easily lifted the mnemosurgeon and carried him out of the hab suite, leaving a recharging minibot behind the sliding doors.

The corridors of the Lost Light were empty at this hour. With Chromedome slung over his shoulder, the shadowy mech headed for the shuttle bay where his ship was waiting.

"P-Prowl?"

A concerned blue visor met his optics.

"First Aid. What are you doing up at this hour?"

"I couldn't recharge... Prowl- Ch-Chromedome? What are you doing with Chromedome?"

Cerulean blue optics narrowed, following the young medic's gaze to the alarm trigger on the wall situated down the corridor. It seemed he'd have to risk injury and knock him out. He had a spare syringe, but there wasn't enough time for that, especially with Chromedome draped over his shoulder.

First Aid was out and unconscious the moment he ran.

Prowl caught him before he hit the ground and headed for his shuttle, a mnemosurgeon and a medic in tow.


	2. Love's Sorrow

It was cold and dark, and First Aid hated every moment of the flight. He had woken up to find himself tied up, hanging on a chain from the ceiling. Thinner chains around his wrists left cuts on his sensitive appendages and he could sense his energon pump struggling to pump energon up his arms. They slowly lost feeling.

When the constant spinning and swinging of the chain left him in a comparatively favourable position, he could see out the tiny window high up in the wall opposite the door. When it didn't, Chromedome was visible, tied up in a corner. He was still unconscious. The medic wondered what drug Prowl had given him, concerned for his health. He struggled against the chains, trying to find a way to escape so he could help the other bot. He knew a bit about Chromedome's past- it was a lot less turbulent than that of many of his comrades, but still painful, with three past conjunx endurae (not that he could remember) and a suicide attempt. He knew that Chromedome and Prowl were once partners in law enforcement. More than partners. And he knew, from a discussion with Rewind, how reluctant Prowl was to let the mnemosurgeon leave.

Those were not promising thoughts.

First Aid looked up at the sound of footsteps and the sudden jolting of the shuttle sent him slamming into the wall. Prowl's hands roughly grabbed him and released him from the ceiling, keeping his hands still chained up. The pain still cut his wrists like a blade but at least there wasn't any weight on them anymore.

He didn't let Prowl feel his relief. He didn't let him feel his fear, either.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Millions of kilometres from anyone who cares about you. Don't even think about calling someone. The more you struggle, the more he suffers." Prowl nodded his head in Chromedome's general direction.

First Aid bit his lip. "What are you going to do to him? What do you want?"

He didn't get a response. Prowl tied him up on the wall, limbs stretched out on either side this time. The medic winced slightly when his weight was put back on his wrists, still hurting from the shuttle ride.

"Remember, the more you struggle, the more I will hurt Chromedome."

* * *

Rewind was reaching for his lover before his optics onlined, unable to feel the familiar warmth around him. Where was Chromedome? He sat up on the empty berth and stretched.

Chromedome probably had something better to do than sleeping in. Would've been nice if he'd told him before disappearing, though...

* * *

Where was First Aid? The young medic was never late for work. Not even when he knew his day was going to be filled with cleaning duty, and that made even Ratchet himself want to stay in recharge all day. In fact, that was (secretly) the reason he wanted an assistant in the first place.

But today, Ratchet had an autopsy planned and there were several interesting viral cultures they'd collected off a passing meteor that First Aid had been so interested in. He wouldn't miss something like that.

"Magnus?" he called through the comm link. "Have you seen First Aid?"

* * *

"I see you are awake."

Chromedome's visor flickered briefly, and then snapped online when he realised he wasn't with Rewind in his berth.

"P-Prowl?"

"Quiet. Open up."

"What?!"

"Which part of quiet do you not understand?" his captor growled, slamming a hand down in the middle of his back. Chromedome bit his lip to stop himself from crying out. It was that moment when he realised he was chained to a table. Prowl's desk, to be precise.

What did Prowl want from him? He had already refused to tap into Overlord's memory. He had established that their relationship was over, and he would never love him again. Chromedome doubted Prowl would go to this trouble to force him to do either of those things. "What do you want?" he asked, keeping his voice as even and steady as he could. It came out quiet and wavering.

"Open. Now."

"Prowl!"

"Or do I have to force you?"

It was cold, and Chromedome knew Prowl controlled every aspect of the environment around him. The most painless way through this was to let him have what he wanted, but the mnemosurgeon was not about to let him gain access to what was strictly Rewind's. Prowl's fingers slid along the edge of Chromedome's interface panel, and the latter tried to resist the teasing touches that knew him so well. He wasn't going to let Prowl have his way with him. He'd suffer the pain, but he'd remain Rewind's and only Rewind's.

"Option two it is then."

Chromedome braced himself, expecting his interface panel to be forcefully ripped off. Instead, Prowl opened up his control panel. Chromedome, unprepared, felt it slide open easily, and cursed. A second later, his interface panel popped open painlessly against his very strong will. Prowl propped it open with a small metal stick that vibrated ever so slightly around his valve. He left it and positioned himself on the desk so he was sitting on Chromedome's chest, and he could insert his spike into the other's mouth.

"Better lick this spike nice and wet, Chromedome, it's all the lubricant it's getting before I shove it up your tight valve."

Chromedome reluctantly took the spike he used to love into his mouth, running oral lubricant over it. It was difficult in the position he was in. He knew he couldn't win. He could either submit to Prowl and just do what he said, which he inevitably was going to do anyway, or refuse to obey and make everything ten times more painful for him. And more satisfying for Prowl.

Prowl didn't want a lot more from him, it turned out. After he decided that he'd had enough of seeing the mnemosurgeon suck his spike, he climbed along Chromedome's chest to straddle him, wiped off enough lubricant so it was sure to hurt and slipped inside him without bothering to warm him up first. He started off slow, relishing every sweet spot in this familiar valve. It had been too long. Chromedome was getting what he deserved for leaving him. And a taste of what he was missing out on.

A broken sob escaped Chromedome's vocaliser as Prowl quickened his pace, the friction inside his dry valve rough and painful. Fingers dug into his shoulders as Prowl tightened his grip on his ex-lover, relentlessly pounding into him.

"Whatever I did, I'm sorry!"

Tears started to fall. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't like this with Rewind. Rewind was gentle and loving and made sure he enjoyed every moment of it. Prowl seemed intent on causing him pain. The mnemosurgeon tried to remember how it had been like before the war, but found he couldn't.

"Whatever you did, Chromedome? You need me to explain what you did? You used me to become a mnemosurgeon. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have had a chance. You owe all your talents to me, and yet you left me. You broke my spark and then you destroyed my plans. Do you know how many lives you put at risk? Do you know how many lives we could have saved if we had a phase sixer of our own? Chromedome, you are a disappointment."

A hand clamped around his throat, choking him.

"And that time Pax wanted to steal the fake Matrix. Do you know why he kept you out of danger? He made you stay behind, Chromedome, because I told him to. I wanted to protect you. I didn't want you to get hurt because I loved you."

Chromedome's needles involuntarily shot out the tips of his fingers and clawed at the desk. His vocaliser, slowly being crushed under Prowl's fingers, struggled to speak.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me!"

"Past tense, Chromedome, past tense. It took a long time, but I finally forced myself to forget you. I wonder what it would take to make little Rewind want to forget you."

"He wouldn't, because he loves me-"

"I loved you, Chromedome! What use is love when it's wasted on someone like you? A slut, a-" Prowl smirked knowingly. "A pervert. A rapist."

"Wait, what-"

"Yes, Chromedome, I remember how you used to go out in the middle of the night when you couldn't recharge and assault random bots! You liked that, didn't you? You liked getting into their memories and raping them to their sexual experiences, didn't you? And you never got caught, because they never remembered."

A shiver, a tremble in Prowl's steady hand.

"You erased the memories but you didn't erase the loneliness. You couldn't erase the feelings I had lying alone in bed at midnight knowing I wasn't good enough for you, you pathetic mnemosurgeon. And Rewind will know!"

"Prowl!"

"What makes you deserving of Rewind? He's too good for you, even you know that. Would he still love you if he knew what you've done? Would he still love you if he knew who you really were?"

"Prowl, stop it, don't tell Rewind, please, please don't tell Rewind, don't take Rewind from me, please, he's all I have left, Prowl, please!"

"Relax, Chromedome. I'm not here to take anything. I'm here to give you something."

"Please don't..."

"How many times have you heard that from someone else? How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine? You are pathetic, Tumbler."

"It's Chromedome... I'm a better person now! Much better than you... you sadist!"

"And you, Tumbler, are no better, and on top of that, you're getting on my nerves. What do you say, Tumbler, about me disabling your vocaliser?"

There was a click as Prowl swiftly flicked a switch in Chromedome's control panel, familiar ground from their time together.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tumbler, I forget. You can't actually say anything, Tumbler, because I disabled your vocaliser. My bad."

Chromedome struggled against the chains but could barely move, pinned down by his past lover. There was nothing he could do but to try to tune out everything around him. Think happy thoughts, he thought to himself, trying Tailgate's favourite way of distracting himself from a bad situation. But all he could think about was Rewind, his Rewind, and the horrified expression on his face as Prowl told him how his conjunx has abused his abilities. Time seemed to pass in slow motion, dragging out the pain as Prowl forced himself upon Chromedome's helpless body, hurling curses and insults at him the entire time.

Maybe it would've been better if he'd went through with a peaceful, controlled death when he had the chance. Then he wouldn't have to go through this. Maybe it would've been better if he'd never met Rewind either. He didn't deserve Rewind, but Rewind was so kind he would let Chromedome drag him down.

What if Rewind didn't really love him?

Silently screaming, Chromedome mentally cursed himself. For being such a slut, like Prowl had said. For his past actions. For ever doubting Rewind. Everything Prowl said was true. He was worthless. He didn't deserve Rewind, he didn't deserve the kindness anyone ever showed him, not his nickname Chromedome, not anything. He was just Tumbler, the lonely bot lost on the streets of Iacon. He deserved the pain Prowl was dealing him, this was just fair punishment for everything he'd done.

But still he cried, and eventually Prowl was done with him and left him alone, but not without a final remark.

"I bet you're going to erase your own memories now, like you did to all those bots. You can't take the pain, can you? Worthless slut." The chains snapped off and the door slammed shut.

It hurt. Everything hurt, physically and mentally. Prowl had exploited his mind as well as his body. He was right yet again. Now that the chains were off, Chromedome did the only thing he knew he was capable of. It wasn't that he wanted to go against Rewind's efforts to get him to stop injecting. It just hurt too much, there was no other way out and- if Prowl had impregnated him? He didn't want to think about it. It was too much.

"Worthless slut..." the words echoed in his mind.

Three needles and a syringe Chromedome didn't know was there slipped into the back of his neck. Erase. Erase everything that had happened since he woke up. The last memory he deemed worth keeping was going to bed with his Rewind in his arms. That was all he wanted to remember. He set a timer for one minute, enough for him to retract his needles.

The timer wasn't needed. The sedative in the syringe knocked him out in seconds.

* * *

His mask was retracted, held in place by small clamps placed over either side of his face where the mask slid out. Really, it was unnecessary. First Aid would keep his mask off if Prowl told him to. He wouldn't fight. He couldn't fight. It would only make it hurt more.

"Why- why are you hurting me? What do you want from me?"

"What I want from you is a story for another time. Why I'm hurting you- well, that's easy. It goes against my plan to hurt- sorry, injure- Chromedome. And you're an insomniac, aren't you? What's wrong with me helping you sleep a little easier? Just making you pass out in pain?"

"What plan? What are you going to do to Chromedome?"

"Like I said, I'll tell you another time. Don't you worry, I'm not going to hurt Chromedome like I'm about to hurt you. Such a pity I can't leave a mark on him though. Do you know how much I wanted to rip out those delicate needles of his? Watch him scream in pain as I take it, just like that-" He grabbed one of First Aid's fingers, holding it in his hand. "And twist!"

The young medic shrieked as the digit was torn from its socket, fresh energon pouring from the wound. Prowl smirked at his pain, ran the severed finger under the stream of energon and pried open First Aid's lips with two fingers.

"Say aah," he told him. For his part, First Aid was too busy screaming to close his mouth anyway, and Prowl popped the digit in and held his mouth shut.

There was a choking sound as the younger bot tried to spit his finger out, unwilling to swallow it.

"Down," Prowl ordered.

"Mmmh!"

First Aid decided it was better to not fight Prowl- there was no way he could win, and fighting would make it more painful. Struggling against his gag reflex, he managed to swallow the digit.

"One down, nine to go!"

"Please," the medic begged, watching through teary optics how Prowl took the next finger, preparing to take it off the same way. It hurt just to imagine this happening to Chromedome's sensitive needles. "Please don't... these hands are irreplaceable..."

"That's unfortunate, considering you aren't."

The next finger came off with a flood of energon. Prowl took a pair of pliers from the wall and pinched the spot where the fingers had come off, slowing the energon loss to a small trickle. His victim struggled against the chains, frantically thinking of ways to avoid eating his own fingers. Metal in the tank wasn't a good thing. It could pierce the wall or even rust in there, and First Aid doubted that he'd be able to fix that with what limited tools he had. And no hands, he reminded himself. Fresh tears sprang to his optics when he thought of the damage dealt to his hands, those special, perfectly weighted and steady medic's hands. He felt a sudden wave of sympathy for Ratchet. What use was a medic without hands? He wouldn't have a purpose in life without those appendages. They were irreplaceable.

Still, he was helpless to do anything but try to minimise the pain as Prowl forced him to swallow finger after finger, until all ten were gone and his hands were a mess, roughly fixed with pliers and still trickling energon. What was left of them hung onto his forearm by mere wires, all that remained of his wrists. Hanging from the roof for so long had first dislocated them and then ripped them apart.

"Please stop," was all he managed to say.

"Stop?" Prowl frowned, looking down at the mech tied up on the wall. There was nowhere near enough energon on his armour for his liking. Really, only his hands were hurt at all. "Aid, we've barely started. I have so much more planned for us tonight. So don't complain, and take it like a good little mech."

"No... don't, please don't!"

* * *

"First Aid, you are not to tell anyone where you and Chromedome have been, and you are to make sure that Ratchet doesn't have a chance to find out. Do whatever it takes. Get it?"

"I'm not letting you get away with this!" the medic bravely cried, barely able to talk. There was already a trace of rust in his tank. Energon levels were at nineteen percent.

"Now now, Aid, don't be so rash. See this button?" He held out a small remote control for First Aid to see. "You're a clever bot, Aid, you should be able to guess what it'll do."

The medic bot fell silent.

"Don't..." he finally whispered.

"There, you see now? You're going to behave yourself and distract Ratchet. Chromedome's not going to remember anything, and everyone's going to assume he's okay. Don't let them find out he's sparked until he's been in bed with Rewind. If anyone finds out what happened, I'm going to blow up the Lost Light. And everyone in it."

"Please, I'll do anything, just don't hurt them..."

"Well, I won't blow up everyone. You have a thing for your boss Ratchet, don't you, Aid?"

There was no verbal response as First Aid looked up at him intensely.

"Well, I'm going to take him here and torture him to death. And you, you're going to watch the whole thing."

"No..."

"Exactly. So don't even think about it."

* * *

There was so much he wanted to do to sweet, beautiful Chromedome. He had once wanted to do things _for_ Chromedome, or _with_ Chromedome, but realistically, there was no way the mnemosurgeon would love him again. Prowl considered how it would be if he'd taken up mnemosurgery himself. Erase all of Chromedome's memories of Rewind, erase everything that had happened since he became Chromedome. He wanted Tumbler back. The one who loved him. But that wouldn't happen because the world is a cruel place and he couldn't keep whatever love he'd found in the first place.

The point was that he couldn't love Chromedome. He'd loved Tumbler, but he couldn't love Chromedome. And while he had wanted to do things _for_ Tumbler, _with_ Tumbler, everything he wanted to do _to_ Chromedome was unloving, cold, and utterly wrong. No gentle kisses or soothing back rubs like those long ago. He wanted to hurt him. Make him cry, scream his name and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to render him completely helpless, give him a taste of the feeling of being totally dominated, under another's control. It was wrong. Utterly wrong. But that didn't matter. As long as he could ruin the life of the one who ruined his…

But to do that, he couldn't do anything to Chromedome, nothing more than he'd already done. Unsatisfying.

Pushing aside thoughts of carving delicate lace designs all over that beautiful frame, Prowl opened up his victim's control panel and injected the minuscule microchip. Nobody would find it. Not even Ratchet and all that high-tech equipment. Not little Rewind, with all those cameras of his own. Flicking on the tablet and seeing a live video of Chromedome's peacefully recharging face, he smiled thinly, satisfied. He could see everything.

And nobody would suspect him. This whole thing would appear to the world as a Quintesson kidnapping. It would look like those aliens took Chromedome and First Aid because they were interested in experimenting on Cybertronians, explaining why First Aid was so badly beaten and Chromedome was missing a needle. Nobody would even think of Prowl back on Cybertron. He'd already prepared the deep rock cavern where he'd leave his victims as soon as he repeated the microchip process with First Aid. It was more important to monitor the medic than Chromedome. First Aid had a task- all Chromedome had to do was wake up, suffer and die. But this unsuspecting mech lying asleep in front of him was just so perfect and just so beautiful he'd monitor him anyway.

* * *

Once again, First Aid found himself bitterly staring at the stumps where his hands used to be. It wasn't the worst injury he had suffered at Prowl's hands, but it hit hardest. What use was he without his hands? He wouldn't have a purpose in life. He could get Brainstorm or Perceptor to build some new ones, sure, but the precision tools needed to build a medic's hands were rare and inaccessible. Regular hands were nowhere near steady enough to perform surgery (at this, First Aid shuddered at the thought of permanently being on cleaning duty). And he wouldn't even consider getting a pair that turned into blasters. He could never hurt anybody. Not like that. It went against every ion in his body.

And then there was Chromedome. A quick scan using the scanner in his arm showed he was unharmed, physically at least. What was of concern was the tiny spark pulsing around his own. It swirled around the larger spark, like a satellite in orbit. Chromedome was definitely carrying a sparkling, one First Aid was supposed to keep hidden until "Chromedome fragged Rewind", according to its father. Chromedome was carrying Prowl's sparkling and he wouldn't remember a thing that happened, and on top of that, First Aid wasn't allowed to help him remember. The happy couple would probably then conclude that it was Rewind's, and they'd be happy until the little bot was born. And then there would be chaos.

It made the medic shiver to consider it. But what could he do about it? He knew Prowl was watching his every move, listening to his every word... in fact, he was probably tuned into his thoughts as well. First Aid did his best to not think about how much he hated the tactician.

Chromedome was still unconscious, from yet another of those injections Prowl gave him to keep him sedated. It would alleviate the loneliness to wake him up, but that wasn't an option. Prowl had informed him that the mnemosurgeon would wake up when he touched sunlight, and he didn't want him to have memories of being trapped with First Aid in a Quintesson-style prison in a cave. He didn't think he wanted to wake Chromedome anyway. It was better for him this way.

How could he distract Ratchet though?

Physically, the medic sat still, but inside, he was panicking. The fate of everyone on the Lost Light was supposed to lie on the shoulders of warriors like Rodimus and Drift, not him, the chief medical officer... in training.

There came the sound of a shuttle landing, and First Aid knew he didn't have long to make his decision. Already, he could hear gunshots going off as his teammates started blasting their way through the wall of rocks blocking their access to the two bots they were supposed to rescue. And then he could hear voices, in a jumble- and then Ratchet, _Ratchet_ , telling everyone to be careful.

 _"Do whatever it takes..."_

Reluctantly, First Aid accepted that there was no way Ratchet wouldn't inspect Chromedome unless if all his attention was diverted elsewhere. Elsewhere, being his lover and trainee. He would have to make himself a far greater concern.

Using a sharp edge on his broken wrist as a knife, the medic inhaled sharply and cut a slice out of his waist. Energon started rushing out and First Aid fought the instinct to try to stop the bleeding. And all he could see was Prowl's wicked face, smiling every time he gasped in pain and had to force himself to hurt himself more. A sadist's dream. First Aid wished he had the fingers to physically disable his pain sensors, watching a puddle of energon form around him as he let himself bleed out. Clamping an forearm over the injury mostly stopped the bleeding and he heated his limb, causing some of the energon to dry. The wound looked older. Suddenly, the wall was crashing down around him and there was Rodimus, Ratchet, Rewind and several others the medic wasn't concerned about. Ratchet. The CMO in training leapt into his arms and cried. The tears were real.

* * *

Chromedome's visor onlined and flickered a bit. Rewind couldn't jump on him fast enough, holding him around the neck and frantically inquiring about his health. There was a quiet moment while Chromedome rebooted his visor to see clearer, and then he was embracing Rewind right back, reassuring him he wasnt hurt.

"Domey, you don't know how much I missed you. I was so worried about you, and just knowing you're alright is enough."

"I'm okay, really, I'm fine," Chromedome smiled, tenderly holding his lover. To them, in that perfect moment, nothing else mattered.

* * *

As soon as the rocks blocking the way were gone- and Primus, if they'd hurt First Aid in any way by blowing those rocks around- Ratchet took a quick look at the situation. Chromedome seemed fine, but it was obvious that First Aid needed medical attention right away. Ironic. The young medic was hysterically sobbing, clinging to Ratchet and refusing to let go.

"Whoa, it's okay. It's okay."

Energon was spilling out the wound on his side, reopened by his movement, and Ratchet tried to pull his secret lover off himself so he could tend to it.

"Aid, your hands..."

Soothing words and affection did nothing to undo the torment plaguing the young medic. Neither did Rodimus, who was announcing that they would hunt down and kill whoever did this to their comrades.

"First Aid, who did this to you?"

Ratchet glared at the ship's captain as his lover's sobbing intensified at the probing question. First Aid didn't need to pretend. Tears effortlessly and involuntarily streamed down his face, and he was well aware that everyone thought he was crying because of the torture. He was crying because of the burden, because he had to lie to keep everyone safe, because he had to keep them safe at Chromedome's expense.

"Alright- Cyclonus, Rodimus, hold him down so I can stop this bleeding. Shh, I'm sorry, this'll hurt a bit, alright, Aid?"

First Aid writhed in pain as Ratchet worked, making the painful process as long and drawn out as possible.

"Chromedome, are you alright?" the older medic called out, not looking up from his work.

"I'm all good," Chromedome answered cheerfully, his last memory being going to bed with Rewind.

* * *

"Do you know what happened to Chromedome?"

"I don't know... we were separated."

It was only half a lie. First Aid reached out for the other medic again, and Ratchet put down the scanner and held him close. It still surprised Ratchet how fragile and precious his young assistant really was sometimes. Sometimes, First Aid just needed to be held and reassured. He just needed to feel loved, because he poured so much love into the world he needed some back. They just held each other for a while, Ratchet thinking about how his lover didn't deserve what was happening to him, First Aid crying, wishing he could tell Ratchet.

Drift had a tendency to pass the medbay whenever he tried to go somewhere. It wasn't even conscious- whenever he was called somewhere and one of the direct routes passed by the medbay, that was the one he'd take. Actually, when he had time, he'd go out of his way just to peek in through the door.

Usually, he'd see a glimpse of Ratchet alone, sterilising tools or experimenting with viral strains. Today, as Drift looked into the slightly ajar medbay door, his vents hitched and it felt like someone had stabbed through his spark. He transformed, started his engine and screeched away. It felt good to finally be back in his own hab suite once he got there. He lived alone, because he enjoyed being alone, in a state of heightened isolation, exploring the limits of solitude... or so he said. Drift slammed the door and crumpled, silent tears running down his cheeks.

Really, he had just been waiting for a particular bot, and now Ratchet would never be his.

* * *

"No... all I remember is us going to bed."

His visor gave off a meaningful glint as he picked up Rewind and lay him down on the berth, leaning over him, braced with his arms.

"Domey, you just got back... are you sure you want to do this? Don't you want to rest?"

"Rewind, you are the only thing I want right now. And I mean NOW."

"Hmm... then let's get started, shall we?"

* * *

"Rewind- urgh- REWIND!"

"That's it, Chromedome, scream my name!"

"REWIND!"

His voice crackled and turned to static, afterwaves of pleasure running through his frame as his lover lapped up the fluid straight from his valve.

"Mmm, Chromedome..."

"Rewind..." he gasped, the whirring of his cooling fans loud and frantic. Rewind stopped licking his valve when he felt the spasms cease, and climbed up on top of Chromedome's chest to kiss him. He gently spat a thick, viscous liquid into his lover's mouth and ran it over his tongue. Chromedome moaned, eagerly lapping up what he knew was his own discharge.

"You're too good to me, Rewind."

"You deserve much more than me, Domey..."

* * *

"You don't remember anything?" Ratchet asked Chromedome, who was finally in for a checkup now that First Aid was taking up less than all of Ratchet's time.

Chromedome just shook his head.

"I'm fine, Ratchet, really. I'm sure I was just recharging the whole time."

"Chromedome, you were gone for two weeks- oh, Primus..."

Three bots turned their heads to stare at First Aid purging his tank.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered weakly, a stream of energon running down his chin. His mask was retracted so it wouldn't get in the way. His tank visibly heaved again, and Chromedome handed him a trash can, before turning away out of politeness to look out the window. Rewind did the same, as Ratchet tended to his patient. The sound of the young medic's purging was painful to listen to, and it soon turned to dry heaving when his tank emptied.

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, Aid, it's not your fault. Let's get you cleaned up, alright?"

He glanced over at Chromedome and Rewind. "You two can go," he added, before turning back to First Aid, who was trying to get up to clean up after himself and trying very hard not to drop everything he picked up. Brainstorm was building a new pair of hands for him but in the meantime, Ratchet had attached his old hands to the younger medic just so he could get by until his replacements came. They wouldn't be the same. Ratchet silently wished he'd kept Ambulon's hands, and dreaded that someday he'd have to give Pharma's away. Still, he'd do anything for his lover. He'd rather have no purpose than let Aid have no purpose.

"Stay down," Ratchet told him, firmly pressing down on his chest to keep him lying down.

"But Ratchet-"

"No."

"Ratchet, I'm supposed to be a medic... I can't get sick, what if-"

"Shh."

A quick caress on the cheek and Ratchet disappeared into the next room to run a warm oil bath. One of the most frustrating things was trying to figure out where all these seemingly random symptoms were coming from. There was no rust left in First Aid's tank, but he was still purging. All his sensors were perfectly in tune but he still had spells of disorientation that sent him crumpling to the ground. And just like before he'd vanished, the young medic still couldn't recharge at night, although now he preferred to just lie in bed and cuddle as opposed to wandering the corridors. Ratchet had warned him it wasn't safe to do so, but he'd gone ahead and done it anyway, every night. It had been almost enough to keep Ratchet himself up in worry for his lover. But now he was content to stay in the room the entire day, which did stop Ratchet from doing work some of the time but at least he was safe. That was all that mattered.

First Aid lay on the berth where Ratchet had left him. It had only been a few days since they had been rescued, and while forcing his tank to purge itself wasn't pleasant, it did serve as a distraction for Ratchet. Until he could be sure that Chromedome and Rewind had been up to it in bed, he couldn't let Ratchet find the sparkling. Prowl would kill everyone. And then he'd kill Ratchet, and probably kill First Aid himself as well once he was done. Chromedome's checkup today had been dangerous enough.

And then Ratchet was back, scooping him and placing him in the bath. First Aid lay still, finding it hard to think straight with his energon levels so low. It was just easier to not try to think. When he calmed his racing processed, he could feel Ratchet gently scrubbing him clean, Pharma's fingers running through the creases and joints in his armour. The thought of his hands made him wince. Ratchet misinterpreted that as a sign of pain and touched him more gently.

Once Ratchet was satisfied that his lover was clean, First Aid found himself scooped up, dried off and placed on the berth.

"Aid, try to recharge."

But he couldn't, could he? Ratchet would call Chromedome back like a good medic should after being interrupted during a consultation. And if they found out Chromedome was sparked, there was a chance that everything he'd done would've been for nothing. He would be powerless to save the Lost Light from the bomb hidden somewhere on board. Probably as well hidden as the microchip doubtlessly planted somewhere on his frame so Prowl could track his every move.

So he did what he could and clung to his lover.

"Can't," he whimpered.

There was genuine worry in Ratchet's blue optics. He was a great medic, but an even greater lover. Chromedome wasn't in immediate danger. He could wait. And when his little lover was so vulnerable like this, depending on him to protect him and soothe him...

First Aid lay still, holding onto Ratchet, trying not to fall asleep. But he was tired, so tired, and Ratchet's hands were just so comforting, his voice so soft, and it just felt so comfortable...

* * *

Prowl, sitting at his desk, watched First Aid purge his tank with disgust, smiling slightly at the desperation he had to keep his friends safe. A click of a button and the image on the screen changed to show beautiful Chromedome, his Chromedome, not knowing anything was wrong, thinking he was just happily in love with Rewind.

* * *

"So you don't remember anything that happened in the past 2 weeks?" Ratchet asked skeptically.

Chromedome shook his head.

"Well, Aid's been where you've been, and he's traumatised. So much so, he can't remember where he's been." He gestured at the recharging medic several berths over. "Is there a chance that maybe you injected yourself and erased your memories?"

Rewind's hand tightened on his.

"Chromedome, you promised-"

"No way. I promised Rewind- I promised him I'd never do it again."

* * *

"Domey? Are you alright?"

Rewind tried the handle of the washroom door which was never, ever locked. They never had anything to hide from each other.

"I'm fine," came a muffled response.

The door didn't open.

"You've been in there for half an hour. And I can hear you, Chromedome. You've been purging, haven't you?"

"No..."

"Chromedome. Let me in, okay? I just want to look after you."

"Rewind... I don't want you to see me like this."

"I've seen you much worse than you are now, you know. Besides, I don't care. You're always beautiful to me, Domey."

There was silence, and finally the lock clicked open. Rewind opened the door and walked in while his lover turned around and fell over in front of the sink, the movement of standing up to unlock the door disorientating him. There was a wave of nausea and Rewind patted him on the arm, not quite able to reach his shoulder.

"Just let it out, Domey, you'll feel better afterwards. I promise."

Five minutes later, Chromedome was slumped over the sink, on the brink of tears.

"It's okay. You'll be okay. It's all over now." Rewind regretted the fact that he couldn't offer his lover more comfort. Sometimes, he wished he was bigger. He wanted to hold his conjunx and rock him into recharge, giving him sweet kisses and soothing words of affection.

Another ten minutes, and the nausea finally went away. Chromedome tiredly stood up while Rewind ran water in the sink to wash away the energon.

"Thanks for looking after me, Rewind."

"Anytime, Domey. Are we going to see Ratchet or would you rather recharge?"

"I don't need to see a medic, I'm fine."

"Uhuh, like you totally weren't begging me to end your misery fifteen minutes ago."

"Okay, okay! Don't remind me. I'll go in for a checkup."

* * *

"Well, congratulations."

"What?"

"Chromedome, you're sparked."

There was a moment's silence. First Aid couldn't help but feel a sense of relief- he wouldn't have to keep Ratchet from examining Chromedome anymore. It was impossible to tell who the sparkling's sire was until it was born, and when that happened, it was a question of resemblance. Hopefully, this one would look more like Chromedome than Prowl.

"You been up to it in bed, haven't you?"

This was the question First Aid dreaded.

"On his very first night back," Rewind said, holding his stunned partner around the arm.

* * *

"Rewind. Berth. Now."

The minibot secretly smirked, savouring that deep voice, almost a growl. These days, Chromedome was totally insatiable- not that Rewind minded. He was more than happy to give his beautiful bondmate exactly what he wanted and more.

* * *

"You've had your turn. Now let me be on top! Hands behind your back, Chromedome."

Slightly less sexually charged, but just as eager and still fidgeting, Chromedome sat against the chair with his legs parted and let Rewind tie his hands behind his back. For extra security, Rewind also secured his hip so he couldn't move.

"Are you sure you're comfortable with this?"

Chromedome nodded, watching as his lover retrieved a gag from his little box of horrors. "I trust you, Rewind."

"Then say aah."

As soon as Rewind was confident Chromedome was effectively tied up, gagged and definitely unable to control himself, he set to work on his spike, which was still hypersensitive from his previous overload. Rewind kissed the tip gently and gave it a lick from the base up, drawing a muffled moan from Chromedome. Playing with Chromedome's spike with his tongue left Rewind's hands free to finger his lover's valve, and he took the opportunity to rub over all the folds around it. All the time, Chromedome's barely audible moans grew louder and so did his cooling fans. Rewind pulled away when he could feel the larger mech on the verge of overload.

Chromedome looked up at the archivist pleadingly, silently begging him to finish. Rewind just smugly smirked at him and took in the sight of his conjunx endura, gagged and bound, completely at his mercy. Totally helpless. Chromedome moaned into the gag, and Rewind slipped his hand down his own waist and between his legs, fingering his interface panel open. His hands wrapped around his spike, gently at first, stroking himself up and down.

His partner writhed against the chains in sexual agony, watching as Rewind worked himself to overload, craving those skilful, teasing hands. Seeing Rewind touch himself made the mnemosurgeon whimper in need, knowing his goal was so close, and yet so far.

At this point, tears of frustration were running down Chromedome's cheeks. He'd do anything at this point to have Rewind finish him. Even something like getting in a fight with Whirl- actually, not that, but he'd get on his knees and beg him. Which wasn't an option. Still, he tried to talk through the gag.

"Hmm? I didn't quite catch that, Domey."

Chromedome was beautiful the way he was. So desperate for attention, and yet so helpless. Every piece of him belonged to Rewind, and Rewind alone. It was a good feeling, owning this beautiful mech lying moaning on the floor.

Another attempt to talk, but all that came out was a muffled groan and a quiet sob. Those gorgeous yellow optics met Rewind's, and he could see everything Chromedome wanted reflected in there. Chromedome talked with his optics. It was just a matter of knowing how to read him.

"I'm sorry, I really can't understand you, Chromedome. Hm? What's that? You want me to touch you more? Is that it?"

Frantically, the mnemosurgeon nodded, overheating despite his cooling fans working overtime. There was a sense of relief when he felt Rewind's hands on his body again- not on his spike, Rewind was just teasing him, working around his interface panel- but also a heightened urgency, a desire for the climax Rewind always made so good. He arched his hip into his lover's touch, and whimpered when it was taken away again.

"Aww, look at you, Domey. So sweet and... desperate."

At this point, Chromedome was shaking with sex charge, his thoughts and vision clouded with frustration and need for Rewind, that wonderful touch that felt amazing every time, the touch he absolutely craved right now. Coolant kept leaking from his optics and his hands were intertwined tightly behind his back. Looking at him, Rewind considered that he might've gone slightly too far and brought him to an unsatisfying overload, but it seemed that wasn't the case. He'd just have to leave poor Chromedome untouched a little longer, then. It almost made him feel sorry for him. Almost. But what was coming up would be worth the wait. Just like his little sparkling, safely growing in his conjunx endura's spark chamber.

"Alright, Chromedome, scream for me."

He slipped a hand up Chromedome's valve, fingering his node with the other. Without any teasing this time, he took his lover's spike in his mouth and sucked on it, hard.

The sensation was so overpowering that Chromedome offlined for a half second. He could feel nothing but the spasms that ran through his body, heard nothing but Rewind's last words to him repeated and echoed over and over in his mind, blocking out his own screams of pleasure.

When he onlined his optics again, Rewind was waiting. He took out the gag in Chromedome's mouth, but before the latter could talk, his lips were captured in a kiss.

"I love you," Rewind said once they pulled away, and went in for another kiss.

"Rewind," Chromedome moaned, optics still leaking coolant. Rewind touched his cheek and wiped away his tears, kissing him one more time before sliding off his chest to untie him. Chromedome whimpered for his touch, still not reaccustomed to talking. He felt his hands freed from chains, and felt Rewind's gentle touches, rubbing the life back into them and kissing his wrists and fingers.

Rewind sucked on one of his lover's fingers. "So, tell me, how did that feel, Chromedome?"

* * *

"It hurts, Rewind, it _hurts_!"

Rewind helplessly looked up at Ratchet, who was holding Chromedome's legs apart to allow the sparkling a clear passageway. There wasn't much the CMO could do to help with the delivery, but he was there if anything went wrong. This would've been a great demonstration for First Aid, since the young medic had never had a chance to help deliver a sparkling, but he had called in to say he wasn't feeling good and would visit for a checkup once the sparkling was delivered.

"I'm sorry, Domey, it'll be okay, I promise. When this is over, we'll have our own beautiful little sparkling to look after. It'll be worth it. Just think about that, alright, Domey?"

"Primus- it hurts... okay, yes Rewind..."

There was another painful contraction, and Ratchet informed them the head had come out. Another contraction or two and the medic pulled out a soaking wet sparkling, and carried it over to a workbench to wrap it in a blanket.

"Oh Primus..."

Chromedome lay panting, throbbing pain still shooting up every inch of him. He'd managed to stop screaming, and at this point, all he wanted to do was recharge. And see his sparkling. Or both. Rewind held his hand, standing up on the chair to see what had worried Ratchet. "Ratchet? Is something wrong?"

"Is my sparkling okay?" Chromedome managed to whisper, his voice quiet and laced with static.

Ratchet sighed and recomposed himself.

"He's healthy. He's a very strong, healthy sparkling." He handed the bundle to Rewind, and Chromedome weakly turned his head to look at his new offspring.

He instantly wished he hadn't.

"Chromedome?" "Domey?" "Are you alright?"

He didn't hear any of the voices. He didn't feel any of the light touches on his shoulder, didn't see the concerned gazes directed at him. The sparkling's optics onlined and looked into Chromedome's visor, showing a beautiful cerulean blue which faded to black.

* * *

Prowl looked into the beautiful cerulean blue optics, watching the sparkling click curiously as he looked into his carrier's visor.

The visor offlined.

"Chromedome... do you really hate me that much?"

* * *

"Ratchet, is this my sparkling?" Rewind asked, looking down at the little mech which was already half his size. He cradled him close, looking down at the masked little face, with beautiful blue optics...

And a red chevron.

Ratchet held his helm in his hands. "No."

"No..." echoed Chromedome, stirring. "No! Get away from me! I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Chromedome," Rewind said, unable to reach out to touch him because of the sparkling. "Chromedome!"

"No- don't! Please don't!"

It took Rewind a moment to realise he wasn't talking about the newborn.

"Don't touch me, Prowl!"

Rewind's visor flashed with fury. This was most definitely not about the sparkling, and suddenly he knew where Chromedome had been when he'd vanished for two weeks nine months ago. Chromedome wasn't conscious- this was a memory. A memory he'd erased- he found it impossible to blame Chromedome for erasing this one- caused to resurface by the sight of the sparkling. Rewind looked down at the little mech in his arms, who clicked nervously, cowering at Chromedome's yelling. He could tell there was pain in the room, but he didn't know anything about it yet.

So he cried.

Rewind didn't flinch when he heard the wails. To him, it didn't matter who the little one's father was, it was still a little life worth keeping. He knew better than anyone that all lives mattered, that nobody was dispensable. Talking to both his lover and his sparkling, Rewind cooed soft words of comfort, reassuring both of them everything was okay. Ratchet stood against the wall in the corner of the medbay near the door, feeling powerless, unable to help with anything the others were going through.

Chromedome's optics onlined at the sound of the sparkling's crying. Tears running down his own face, he managed to quieten himself down, resisting the urge to join the little one in mourning. Rewind said it would be okay. And looking at his conjunx lovingly cradling the offspring that wasn't his, Chromedome knew that Rewind was the sparkling's father, regardless of who sparked him and who he resembled. Suddenly, everything seemed alright again. Everything was okay, because Rewind was still there for him, Rewind still loved him and they had a little life to love and cherish.

He reached out for them, and held the sparkling against his chest, patting his back to stop his crying. Rewind embraced him, holding the sparkling between them until there was silence.

Ratchet ran a scanner over Chromedome.

"You should be okay to go now," he said stiffly, still bothered by what Prowl had done to Chromedome. Knowing the couple was okay with it made it better, but it still felt wrong. It was wrong. He'd worked with Prowl for four million years, but he'd never thought that he'd be capable of this. It just wasn't right.

First Aid chose that moment to walk into the medbay. Chromedome, now sitting on the berth, eagerly held his sparkling out a little, showing him to the medic. It didn't matter that the little mech obviously wasn't Rewind's. He would still be proud of him all the same.

"Aid! How are you feeling?" Rewind asked, looking more concerned than his elated lover.

First Aid smiled nervously, every nerve inside him tingling as he thought about what he was about to do. He'd run over this a thousand times in his processor. Be upfront, be clear, be concise. Be understanding and apologetic. "Chromedome, Rewind, Ratchet, I have a confession to make. I know it might hurt you to hear it and I understand if you hate me for it. I won't hold anything against you if you do."

Except that wasn't what he actually said. Actually facing his problem, his pre-prepared speech vacated his mind completely, and he found himself unable to remember a word of it, which wouldn't have helped anyway because his voice was trembling so much it was impossible to sound official.

"Thanks, Ratchet, we'll go now," Rewind was saying, wrapping his arms around the sparkling and leaning against Chromedome as they sat on the berth.

First Aid vented deeply, and tried to begin. His vocaliser crackled a little before his voice came out. "Wait- before you go... I'm sorry."

Once those words left his mouth, the floodgates burst and tears uncontrollably ran down his face. He fell to his knees in front of the new parents, hands clasped in front of him, words of apology and self-hatred spilling out his vocaliser whenever he was able to talk.

"Aid? Are you alright?" Chromedome was standing now, reaching a hand down to help the little medic up.

"No! I'm most definitely not alright... I'm a terrible person, Chromedome, I'm so sorry for what I did to you, you don't deserve this, I'm so sorry!"

"Aid."

Chromedome crouched down, offering First Aid a hand. The medic refused it, staying where he was.

"Chromedome, I knew, I knew the whole time it was Prowl's sparkling and I didn't tell you..."

"Why?" asked Rewind.

"Because," Ratchet answered for him. "Prowl threatened you, didn't he, Aid? He tortured you and told you he'd kill us all if you told anyone. That's why you needed so much attention and distracted me until you were sure it was believable that Chromedome was carrying Rewind's sparking. He tortured you, didn't he? Because he had to keep Chromedome unscathed? I bet he made you cut that wound yourself! Am I right?" His optics blazed with fury at the thought of what Prowl had done to his precious Aid, his little light.

Sobbing into his hands, First Aid barely managed a nod, thankful Ratchet knew both Prowl and himself well enough to figure out what happened. He felt Chromedome's hands run down his back comfortingly, and mustered the courage to keep talking.

"But it's still my fault, I hurt you, Chromedome, he didn't blow up the ship but it was at all at your expense. I lied to you all, I knew the whole time! I'm so sorry I lied! And I didn't forget where we'd been. I was lying about that as well. I wasn't allowed to tell- I'm making excuses again, there are no excuses for what I've done, I'm sorry!"

"First Aid," Chromedome repeated, firmer.

"I'm so sorry! Could you ever forgive me? No- I don't deserve your forgiveness, I'm worthless, I'm so so sorry! I'm sorry, Chromedome, Rewind, Ratchet, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Chromedome took his hands, and he looked up in the larger mech's yellow visor. "Aid. First Aid. Listen, it's okay. It doesn't change anything. Even if I knew this wasn't Rewind's sparkling, I would've kept it anyway."

"Yeah, we would've still wanted it," Rewind agreed from the berth, watching Chromedome help the medic to his feet. "Just because it's Prowl's sparkling doesn't mean it'll turn out like him."

"I'm sorry..."

"Aid, don't be. You were just trying to protect your friends. You're a good bot. You were very brave to do that," Chromedome told him, guiding him to a medberth. "You did the right thing."

Another more familiar hand rested on his shoulder, and First Aid leaned into Ratchet's touch as Chromedome squeezed his hand reassuringly and moved back to sit beside Rewind.

"Shh, it's all over now," Ratchet whispered, and let his lover cry into his chest.

"Aid, do you want to hold our sparkling?" Rewind offered when the room quietened.

"May I?" Tentatively, he reached out and Rewind carefully placed the little mech in his arms. Looking down at the little bundle of joy instantly lifted the medic's mood, and he tickled the tiny mech.

Rewind happily leaned against Chromedome, sitting in his lap. A more sinister thought crossed his mind.

"So, what do we do now? Should we find Prowl or something?"

* * *

"I've traced his energon signature to the ruins of Praxus."

"Praxus?" Tailgate turned his head questioningly.

"Prowl's home city on Cybertron," Ratchet explained, locking the pod's trajectory onto Prowl's coordinates. He could see Chromedome nervously fidgeting out of the corner of his eye, and First Aid was sitting still on the seat opposite Chromedome, optics intently cast downwards at the floor. Rewind held his lover's hand- they'd left the little sparkling, still unnamed, with Drift back on the Lost Light. Everyone had been surprised at the swordfighter's enthusiasm in volunteering for the task of looking after the little one. Then again, Drift never ceased to surprise anyone. His turbulent past troubled Ratchet, but everyone around him had pain and suffering in the years behind them. What made Drift special was that he represented change. He reminded everyone there was time to change, room to grow.

The shuttle ride was mostly quiet. Chromedome and Rewind, First Aid, Ratchet, Cyclonus and Tailgate, Rung and of course, Rodimus at the helm, trying to figure out how to track energon signatures.

"Well, let's hurry up then! Let's give him what he deserves. 'Til all are one!"

It turned out that Prowl had looked after the messy work already. They found him lying face down on his berth in his old apartment in the years before the war, a syringe and Chromedome's missing needle in the back of his neck. The silence in the room was so overpowering one could hear Rewind's camera recording.

Tailgate was first to speak.

"Dead?"

"Very recently," Ratchet answered. "His energon signal was still fresh."

There was more silence, in which First Aid was torn between blasting Prowl's body to bits and holding onto Ratchet and crying. Chromedome stood, transfixed on the needle in the back of Prowl's neck. Rodimus looked around the room curiously, looking for anything that might harm his crew like a good captain should.

His gaze settled on a device held tight in Prowl's left hand. He reached out and took it before anyone could stop him.

"Hey, Chromedome? It's a picture of you."

Chromedome snatched the tablet off Rodimus and looked at his image. It looked right back. He turned his head. So did it.

"It's not a picture. It's a live camera recording. He's been watching me."

First Aid tentatively took the device, looked it over and pressed the safest looking button. His face appeared on the screen.

"I knew he was watching me the whole time," the medic said. "We couldn't find the camera though. Ratchet, Rewind and I- we couldn't find the camera on me. We didn't think he had a reason to watch Chromedome, though..."

"Does he need a reason?" Cyclonus answered.

Eight pairs of optics set their gaze on the lifeless figure on the berth. Seven processors tried to comprehend Prowl's intentions, or lack thereof, in hurting First Aid, sparking Chromedome and then killing himself. Somebody saw a victim, a fellow Autobot and comrade, driven to breaking point and past by circumstances out of his control. He gave the device back to Chromedome, who looked at his image, over to Prowl and then back to the screen.

The device gave a beep, and Chromedome nearly dropped the tablet in shock. His image flickered and the blank page filled with scrolling words.

 _Run as fast as you can, Chromedome, you're already too late._

"What does that even mean?" Rewind asked, trying to hide his fear behind a mask of anger at Prowl. He held Chromedome's arm, rubbing it comfortingly.

"I don't know," his partner responded coldly. "I don't know. I'm going."

He turned and headed back to the pod, still holding the tablet. Rewind followed him, and everyone else soon also left after Ratchet performed a scan and they collectively decided that Prowl should stay where he chose to die.

* * *

"Tailgate, where are you going?"

The blue and white minibot turned to look up at Cyclonus with big blue optics and the ancient warrior felt his spark warm instantly.

"I'm giving Chromedome back his needle. He left it behind. I'll be right back!"

Tailgate turned to leave, but a hand on his shoulder pulled him back, rougher than was necessary but not enough to hurt for more than a second.

"No you won't. Don't even think about it."

* * *

The sickness that had plagued Chromedome throughout his pregnancy never quite went away, and Rewind would find himself regularly distracted from whatever he was doing by their young sparkling crying that "Rewind, Domey's sick again!"

The young one had grown a lot, now a strong and healthy little mech capable of running around and speaking, although he still clicked in frustration when he needed a word he didn't know. Chromedome had named him Prowler, after his father. They had decided that the tactician, flawed as he had been, still deserved some sort of recognition and honour. Rewind secretly disapproved of this, but anything that made his Chromedome happy was enough for him. And little Prowler was nothing like his father. They would raise him to be kind and compassionate, a bot who wanted the best for the world and would never want to hurt someone they didn't have to.

"Chromedome, purge one more time and I'm taking you to see Ratchet."

A quiet moan, a gagging sound and a splash of energon.

"Alright, medbay it is then."

It turned out that Ratchet had both good and bad news for them.

"Chromedome, you know you've always had a weak spark, right?"

The mnemosurgeon nodded in reply, still exhausted from purging so much, still shocked from hearing the news that he was sparked again. Prowler had been so worried about him like he always was but Drift would keep an eye on him.

"Well, your spark is already drained from carrying your first sparkling. It's exhausted, in a way. I'm afraid that the energy it'll take to bear another one, especially this soon, will be too much for your spark. Especially with no innermost energon. That usually provides some sort of last-resort energy bank that'll keep a bot barely alive."

There was silence. Deathly silence.

Chromedome's mind was surprisingly blank. There was so much he could think about- how it wasn't fair, they could never have a sparkling without any issues, he wouldn't survive if they kept this sparkling- and if there was one thing he was sure of, he wanted to keep this sparkling.

 _"Run as fast as you can, Chromedome, it's already too late."_

So this is what Prowl meant. Prowl knew he was sparked again, Prowl knew he was going to choose the new life over his own. Well, he'd give Prowl the pleasure of being right. Yet again.

"Terminate it."

Rewind broke the silence, suddenly restless. "When can we get this thing out?"

"What?" Chromedome interrupted before Ratchet had a chance to answer.

"What do you mean what? Of course we're going to terminate it! Your life comes first. You weren't thinking of keeping it, were you?"

"Rewind." A deep breath. "I want to keep it."

And then there was chaos. Rewind shrieked and broke out in tears, screaming at his lover incoherent phrases that betrayed his overwhelming emotions.

 _"Run as fast as you can, Chromedome, it's already too late."_

"No, Chromedome! What do you expect me to do without you? How would Prowler feel? Please, Chromedome, I'm begging you, terminate it, please, please! Don't leave me all alone!"

A sad smile ran over the mnemosurgeon's features. He gazed deeply into his conjunx's blue visor, running his hand over the other's cheek.

"But Rewind, you won't be alone. You'll have two of our beautiful sparklings."

Rewind was still in hysterics, not ready to accept the idea of losing his bondmate just yet. It was too soon. And what about their future? They had so much to live for. They had a sparkling, friends, eternal love for each other, and Rewind was not ready for all that to be cut short.

"Please, Domey, if you want another sparkling I'll carry it! Prowler and I need you..."

 _"Run as fast as you can, Chromedome, it's already too late."_

* * *

"Aid? You alright?"

The medic sitting on the berth facing the wall nodded timidly, before his shaking shoulders gave him away completely. Ratchet set down the tools he was tidying and sat down beside First Aid to put his arm around him.

"C'mere, sweetspark. You'll be alright."

And then First Aid was clinging to him, burying his face in his lover's chest like he'd done when he was rescued from the cavern.

"Ratchet…"

His voice came out as a broken sob, and Ratchet held him closer.

"This is because of Prowl, isn't it?"

A nod.

"It's alright, Aid, he'll never hurt you again. He'll never hurt anyone again, he's gone now. It was the best for everyone."

"It's not that…"

Ratchet gave him a questioning look, and no further prompting was needed to make the younger medic spill everything on his mind.

"He… Prowl, he was hurting himself too. He was hurt and he couldn't take it which is why he wanted to hurt Chromedome. And he hurt me because he couldn't hurt Chromedome. But I didn't realise he was hurting so bad himself…"

"Aid, it is NOT your fault."

First Aid carried on, ignoring Ratchet.

"He didn't deserve it! Nobody deserves to feel so bad they kill themself. Nobody deserves to be totally alone! It's my fault he's gone..."

He was sobbing now, his vocaliser glitching when he tried to speak. Ratchet just held him and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"None of this is your fault. None of it. Okay?"

"You don't know!"

At this, fresh tears ran down his face and Ratchet wiped them away with his thumb.

"I wanted him to die! Only for a second but it was because it hurt so much- No excuses! I wished for him to die and then- and then this happened, and it's all my fault, I'm sorry…"

Ratchet just held him, whispering quiet words of reassurance. His sweetspark Aid was just so precious and innocent. It was just too hard for him to comprehend that anyone could have evil intentions and want to hurt another living being. All that compassion and love in just one bright spark and such a small, fragile frame. What did this cold, cruel world do to deserve someone like First Aid?

* * *

"I'll be gone a long, long time," Chromedome told his six month old sparkling. "I'm sorry, Prowler. I promise we'll see each other eventually, alright? It won't be for a while, and I'll miss you. Be good for Rewind, okay?"

The little mech's doorwings drooped slightly.

"Okay, Domey," he said sadly. "I'll miss you too." His optics brightened slightly. "What about little brother?"

Prowler knew he was going to have a younger sibling soon, and was excited by the prospect. For the past six months, Chromedome and Rewind had been hanging on to their sparkling's optimism and blind cheerfulness. It was all there was to keep them going day after day and brought back some of the joy of having their own sparkling, despite the sacrifices they'd made.

"He'll be here to visit you soon, okay?"

Prowler nodded enthusiastically, and leapt into Chromedome's open arms for a hug. Chromedome held him tight.

"I love you, sweetspark."

Rewind took his hand, and Drift and Prowler waved goodbye as the couple walked down the corridor to the medbay. Prowler was all enthusiasm and laughter, but there was a subtle sadness in the third in command's optics, knowing he'd never see Chromedome alive again.

"You're sure that was a contraction, right?"

Chromedome could feel the fear in his lover's voice, knowing he'd been dreading this moment for six months. The moment Chromedome had felt the first cramp signalling the delivery of their child, they'd called Drift, who had helped them babysit Prowler before. Drift had a way with sparklings. He could entertain them and keep them happy effortlessly, while enjoying the experience himself.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Rewind."

"I love you. You know that? Don't ever forget that."

* * *

First Aid held the tiny sparkling, looking into his little visor. He wrapped him in a cloth, held him and checked his spark pulse and temperature. This sparkling was the one Chromedome and Rewind should have had in the first place, even though they saw Prowler as a blessing rather than a curse and loved him with all their existence. He knew everyone had forgiven him for keeping his secrets, and the bot who forced him to was dead. Still, he was yet to forgive himself.

The tiny visor onlined, glowing green, a colour between Chromedome's and Rewind's. He was perfect.

"Rewind, I've done all I can. He's fading at a steady pace, just like we anticipated."

First Aid handed the sparkling to Rewind.

"Chromedome..."

"I'm sorry, Rewind. I'm sorry things didn't work out."

"Shh. I love you. I won't ever forget you."

"Rewind... let me hold my sparkling."

Rewind handed the little mech to his lover. The newborn gave a quiet whimper and curled up against his carrier, as if he knew what was happening, like he sensed that the spark that had born his own was fading.

"I'm tired... so tired..."

"I love you, Chromedome."

"I love you... too... Rewind."

There were no words left to be said. Rewind lay beside his lover, the sparkling cradled between them. The death clock seemed insignificant. All they felt was a strong force in the air, the force of love, and they knew they would never let each other go, regardless of where life took them. Rewind gazed into Chromedome's fading visor, completely entranced in his beauty.

He only glanced up for a brief moment when a flash of blue showed Chromedome's spark rising from his chest plates. And when the spark monitor beeped to signify its extinguishing, and the newborn sparkling began wailing, Rewind just held tighter onto his conjunx endura.


	3. Epilogue

Looking out the window, Rewind was returning to a different world, a different mech. Cybertron had changed for everyone. The new buildings were nothing like the old, majestic towers of the planet's flourishing years. Everyone had lost friends and comrades, some had lost lovers.

Rewind had lost Chromedome.

And that left him emptier inside, even though he had more than he'd lost. Chromedome had been right. The sparklings were beautiful- Prowler was such a good big brother to little Tumbler and they always played together nicely. As a bonus, they got along very well with Bob.

And he had Drift. Drift was always around, helping with the sparklings and, quite honestly, keeping him sane. He'd also found out a lot more about the other mech. How he'd loved Ratchet, how devastated he'd been when he realised his love wasn't returned, how he'd only signed up for sparkling-sitting because needed something to distract him. How looking after Prowler had been one of the best decisions he'd ever made. An amazing friendship had formed between the swordfighter and the archivist over the time they'd spent together.

But Chromedome still had a place in his spark. And now that Chromedome was gone, there was an empty space. Rewind understood why Chromedome had erased his own memory to forget his past lovers- which didn't make it okay that he did it. Only when someone is loved will they be criticised. Only with a Chromedome gone did Rewind realise how much he loved those stupid, stupid flaws. It made sense why Chromedome chose to erase his memories, but Rewind wanted to never forget his conjunx endura. Like how he had wanted Chromedome to never forget him in the event that he passed first. Rewind would never forget the love he had for Chromedome. Still had for Chromedome.

It was hard to hate the mnemosurgeon for wanting to keep Tumbler. And it was impossible to hate Tumbler for… what? The little sparkling was completely, purely innocent, and definitely one of the best three things that had ever happened to Rewind. If Chromedome considered the sparkling's life was worth more than his own, Rewind was at peace. There was no right or wrong decision. It was easier to just accept what Chromedome had chosen and love what he did have.

The objects of his affection were eagerly pressed to the windows as the Lost Light flew over what was once Praxus. It made him smile to see his offspring revert to the clicking noises of sparkling as they failed to find the words to express their surprise at seeing all the big buildings and cool things on the planet.

Tumbler's eyes were almost comically wide. The younger of the sparklings had never seen anything like this before, while Prowler had at least seen Hedonia. Rewind couldn't deny it- he held a deeper connection with his younger child. While he loved Prowler all the same, Tumbler was the one who tugged at his spark whenever he looked at Rewind with those green optics that looked how Chromedome's had, when his visor was off.

And it made Rewind shudder when he remembered the day Tumbler was born. The day he'd nearly lost both his conjunx and the sparkling his conjunx had died for.

Like his carrier, Tumbler had a weak spark. He had been fine nestled between Chromedome and Rewind as the former faded, but then there was panic as Rewind sensed both of the frames he was holding cooling. And then there was an icy feeling that chilled him right through the spark, a fear of losing the only thing he had left that he'd made with Chromedome, other than memories.

And then there was a miracle.

A miracle in which First Aid, CMO… in training… coaxed the rising spark back into the sparkling's cooling shell. Almost crying in anguish, Rewind helplessly watched his mesmerising hands caress the fading spark, praying for his offspring's life. Rewind knew this was a last resort. He'd documented it before, only once. And only Ratchet had ever succeeded with the process.

It was because his carrier offlined so soon, First Aid had told him as he handed back the precious sparkling to Rewind. The tiny spark hadn't had the chance to detach completely yet, the reason why it tried to fade with Chromedome's. But his weak spark was the only thing Tumbler had taken from his time with his carrier. The little mech really had no memories of him whatsoever- he was just too young to remember.

In contrast to Tumbler's carefree state of total excitement, Prowler always had one probing question at the back of his mind. It didn't stop him from doing anything fun, but it was there.

Where was Chromedome?

Nobody had told him about the death of his carrier. Rewind had decided, with Drift's advice, that the sparkling was just too young and innocent to explain just yet. Prowler knew he wouldn't see Chromedome for a long time, but it had been almost seven years. His carrier was sure taking his time.

"Rewind?"

The sparkling looked up with imploring blue optics.

"Is Chromedome down there?"

Rewind looked out the window at the apartment blocks, which brought back too many memories of the Cybertron that he'd known before the war- life with Dominus, Chromedome finding him…

"When will we see him again?"

Rewind smiled, looking down at his firstborn sparkling.

"He's always close to us, Prowler, but very far away."

The Lost Light was soaring over Kaon, getting closer to the landing strip in Iacon. Rewind subconsciously sighed. Life would never be the same again, and he would have to get used to it.

"It will be okay," Drift says, and Rewind feels strong arms holding him, reassuring him. Yes, everything would be alright.

Silhouetted against the light streaming in from the window, two figures stood in each other's arms.

Two became one.


End file.
